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Tuesday, January 1st, 1856.

Fair and very cold.

This morning,

ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter.

The water froze on the potatoes

as soon as they were washed.

With little pride, and less hope,

we begin the new year.

On the porch after sunup,

I could hear the low chirping of sparrows

in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow.

Dyer has maintained that with good health,

and a level head,

there is always an excellent chance

for a farmer willing to work.

He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens.

And I'm certain that because his mind is in such a bad state,

it affects his whole system.

He told me this morning

that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see.

You're late with the milking.

She wasn't suffering.

And you?

Since our acquisition of this farm,

my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole.

This way he knows what each crop

and field pays from year to year.

And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters

that might otherwise go overlooked...

From tools lent out to bills outstanding.

That I have done.

But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages

of the most passionate circumstances

of our seasons past.

No record of our emotions or fears.

Our greatest joys.

Our most piercing sorrows.

With our child,

it was as if I'd found my bearings.

But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure.

Would you like to try?

Like this, papa?

That's it.

She often seemed separate from us,

as if she was working at just fitting in where she could.

They saw his brothers and sisters

and they were the mouse's family...

There is something so affecting

about mute and motionless grief and illness

in a child so young.

She put her arms around me and said nothing else.

But it felt like we were speaking.

I have become my grief.

I have become my grief.

"Welcome sweet day of rest",

says the hymn.

And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease.

As for me.

I no longer attend.

After the calamity of Nellie's loss,

what calm I enjoy

does not derive from the notion of a better world to come.

I want to purchase an atlas.

- It could be a bother. - No, no. No bother.

Who is that?

His name is Finney.

- His wife Tallie. - Hyah!

I met them at the feed store.

They seem to keep to themselves.

They're renting the Zebrun farm.

Monday, February 4th.

Why is ink like fire?

Because it is a good servant,

and a hard master.

Did you say something?

I want to purchase an atlas.

I suppose there are more frivolous purchases

one could make.

I've saved 90 cents of my own.

I can't imagine a better way to spend it.

Could buy your husband a gift.

What better gift could I give him

than a wife who is no longer a dullard?

My self-education

seems the only way to keep my unhappiness

from overwhelming me.

Good afternoon.

I've been using a broom on my porch.

The snow is so dry.

I'm Tallie.

Abigail.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No.

I just, I needed to get away for the day.

The farm is a slaughterhouse right now.

My husband is killing his hogs.

Would you like to come in?

Yes, I'd love that.

Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering.

I know it's the dullest of all things

to have an ignorant neighbor come by

and spoil a Sunday afternoon.

Oh, no, you're the most welcome here.

But I know the feeling.

Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon's visits

that I've been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic.

Oh, Widow Weldon!

She got going on the county levy once...

She saw I had noticed her hair,

and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl.

She said that back then, she'd worn it longer

and plaited in a bun at the back of her head.

In the winter sun through the window,

her skin had an underflush of rose and violet

which so disconcerted me that I had to look away.

As always,

when it came to speaking

and attempting to engage another's affections,

circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety.

From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root,

all curled in upon itself.

I hope I'm not keeping you from something.

No.

I'm glad you've come.

Finney saw your husband at the cooperage.

He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets.

With some asperity?

My husband mentions everything with some asperity.

I told him that once,

and...

he observed in response that it seemed to be quite a favor

to get a kind word from me.

And I told him that if he was married to himself,

he'd soon find out what a favor it was.

My mother always said that having children

would resolve that dilemma.

My mother made the same claim.

And yet...

Here we are...

Both childless.

My daughter, Nellie, would have been five today.

Oh.

How did she pass?

Diphtheria.

Last September.

I'm so sorry.

- Hello. - Oh.

Good afternoon.

I'm Dyer.

Tallie.

Oh, it's late, isn't it? I should be getting on.

Don't go on my account.

Oh, no.

That's a nice wrap you have.

Thank you.

I never receive compliments for my clothes.

I'm so glad you've come.

Meeting you has made my day.

It has?

Well...

How pleasant and uncommon it is to make someone's day.

Thursday, February 14th.

Dyer's third night with the fever.

Drink this.

I plan on getting sick more often.

My wife smiles at me.

Promise me you're not gonna die.

That would be the opposite of my intention.

I've restored him somewhat

with an enema of molasses,

warm water and lard.

Also a drop of turpentine next to his nose.

I spent the day reconsidering my conversation with Tallie.

We compared childhood beds...

Mine in which the straw

was always breaking up and thinning out.

And hers, which was as hard, she claimed,

as the Pharaoh's heart.

I should be taking care of you.

I agree.

Her manner is sweet and calm and gracious.

And yet her spirits seem to quicken

at the prospect of further conversation with me.

I find that everything I wish to tell her

loses its eloquence in her presence.

So how did you come to meet Dyer?

He was the oldest son of a neighbor.

He helped out on my father's farm.

And was he instantly smitten by you?

He was, wasn't he?

He was instantly smitten by you.

He admired what he viewed as my practical good sense.

You don't countenance words like "smitten", do you?

I suspect I use all the same words you do.

I suspect you don't.

In speech, yes, because you're shy.

But I bet you're more accomplished in your writing.

Thank you.

Your good sense, that's all your husband was smitten with?

And my efficient habits.

That's all?

My handy ways.

Dyer likes mechanical things.

I have no doubt he would've been happier

had he been allowed to pursue

the natural scientific bent of his mind.

Circumstances forced him into farming.

And despite all of that, his heart compelled him to you?

Well...

You would have to ask him about that.

And what would you say if I asked you?

I suppose that as a suitor, he was...

not generous, but he was just.

And that he was affectionate, if not constant.

I wasn't sure of his suitability.

But my family felt that more improving

might be in the offing.

After all, it is a long lane that has no turning.

You both have much to be thankful for.

We do.

It's still too soon.

Sorry.

Tuesday, February 19th.

My reluctance seems to have become his shame.

His nighttime pleasures, which were never numerous,

have curtailed even more.

And I have so far refused to engage his persistence

on the subject of another child.

Evening.

This is my husband Finney.

And you already know Dyer.

Our paths have crossed.

And this is the Abigail that I've been mentioning.

My wife talks about you as if you're all about the house,

and everything reminds her of you.

Oh, well, it's all I can do but sit cross-legged and morose

whenever she's away.

- Come in. - Thank you.

The rain so heavy that it broke down our mill.

Did you miss me?

Yes.

You look different.

No...

Finney seems agreeable.

Yes, he is, when he chooses to be.

I guess I'm supposed to offer a toast.

But when it comes to the social graces,

I'm about as smooth as coming down a rocky hill in the dark.

What my husband means is he's so happy

to finally get together,

and to see Dyer again.

Cheers.

Part of what I value about my wife

is how she taught me to associate with my fellow beings.

Finney, that's a handsome neck tie you've chosen.

Thank you.

But with my neck,

my head sticks out like a chicken in a poultry wagon.

Your tart was wonderfully savory.

Oh, did you like it? I'm so glad.

I was worried I wouldn't have enough eggs

- because we had an accident. - Oh.

My hired hand pulled down a box of eggs and broke two dozen.

I announced that he was unlucky to eggs

and no longer allowed to approach them.

"Unlucky to eggs." I like that.

I told him that his shirt had so many holes,

he can make a necklace of it.

Well, we often wish we could afford a hired hand.

We've suffered a great deal from the carelessness of hired hands.

Mr. Holt's hired hand is said to have swum his horse

over the canal despite the cold.

Really?

Yes.

Winter's been so hard,

sometimes Mrs. Weldon's son

has had to deliver the mail on skis.

Now our letters can get lost at breakneck speed.

Did you write letters to Tallie when you were courting?

I did.

And did Tallie keep them?

Only Tallie knows for sure.

Monday, February 25th.

Finney and Tallie's bond confounds me.

At times, when their eyes meet,

they seem yoked in opposition to one another,

while at other times, there seems a shared regard.

There is something going on between us

that I cannot unravel.

Hold this here.

Okay.

Thank you.

Hello, Dyer.

Well, hello.

You're off?

Yes, to town.

Have a good day.

She'll be pleased to see you.

Happy birthday!

Brought you some things.

Hand-knitted?

I hoped you'd like them.

I do.

An Atlas!

The United States of America.

Oh and a little pot of apple sauce with an egg on top.

My feet are freezing.

Oh, let me warm them.

How's Finney?

He's Finney.

Ah, it tickles.

My husband records trespassers in his journals.

And this morning, when I asked him

what he intends to do about them,

his response was so unpleasant that I...

resolved to visit you...

so that there would be something in my day

other than his meanness.

Dyer thinks he has many estimable qualities.

He does.

And he also uses a ledger to keep accounting of whom I visit

and how long I stay.

Why?

I have no idea.

As he's gotten more like this,

I've given up trying to figure out

all the peculiarities of his...

odd little world.

I suppose he's especially unhappy with me since...

I'm yet to give him a child.

What does it feel like?

Like nothing at first.

But then when she began to stir...

it's like butterflies flapping their wings.

Later, like a rabbit...

when she kicked her legs at night.

It frightens me.

The thought of having none of that.

And of giving birth.

Most of us feel that way.

But...

when the time comes, I will be there...

to guide you through it.

Dyer must want another child.

I understand.

Birthday gifts.

A box of raisins.

That needle case you've been needing.

And a tin of sardines.

You spoil me.

Oh, you got gifts from your new friend.

She left hours ago.

I just saw her leave.

The great storm began

with a faint groaning in the northeast.

It was like a noise of a locomotive.

Help!

Come closer, girl.

It's warmer over here.

I'm sorry, I'll be going.

You should wait it out.

Come on, mare.

Dyer!

Dyer!

Dyer!

How long would it be before I receive word of Tallie?

How long could I wait?

How long will the feed in the barn last?

Each cow eats 26 pounds of forage every day.

You should know that.

They start to skinny down after three days.

Heard the newspaper predicts the storm'll let up by then.

But that's probably based on

an expert's consultation of a goose bone.

"In a real crisis of nature, we're all at another's mercy."

Yes.

My mother liked to say,

"We tumble from one mortification to another."

When I was seven, an earthquake knocked down our house and barn.

Did I tell you?

Never.

- An earthquake? - Yes.

I remember something woke me before dawn.

I don't know what.

My father was calling out.

But I couldn't tear myself away from the window.

I saw birds fluttering in the air, afraid to set down.

The river was roiling, and I couldn't move.

And then...

Finally, I jumped down to our collapsed stairwell,

as all my brothers had done before me.

And we all huddled together in the dark on the porch.

Later, my mother said

that the dread never fully went away after that.

She said, "What was safe if the solid earth could do that?"

Mother.

Tallie! You're frozen!

Tallie! Stay awake! Stay awake!

Open your eyes! Open your eyes!

Keep your eyes open!

Keep your eyes open!

Look at me.

I would die without you.

Then you're safe.

Because I am here.

Monday, March 17th.

Half the chickens are lost.

I dug ice and snow from their dead open mouths

in an attempt to revive them.

Hobnails...

For better traction.

The Widow Weldon's son, on his rounds,

reported that Tallie had gotten home safely,

with, he thought, only a bit of frostbite.

We haven't seen your friend down the lane for a while.

Finney took her to Oneonta.

So everything is tedious and lonesome?

Thursday, April 10th.

Biscuits and dried mackerel for breakfast.

Dyer has augmented the padding in the cattle pens

with his hoardings of maple leaves and old straw.

It always seems that Tallie will never appear.

But I remind myself that time and the needle wear

through the longest morning.

And I have noted that when she does arrive,

my heart is like a leaf borne over a rock

by rapidly moving water.

Hello. Oh!

Oh! Careful.

Stay. Sit, sit.

Saturday, April 12th.

- I spent the last two days... - Very damp, cloudy and cool.

Smoky.

Perhaps the forest is somewhere on fire.

Your nose is being gracious.

Monday, April 14th.

A terribly bad spring so far,

but the clover has come up through it,

and is all right.

And how's Finney?

The soul of patience.

He's mentioning again the idea of migrating west.

You're planning on moving west?

Perhaps.

I had an uncle who moved to Ohio and came to a desperate end.

Which is what one might expect from Ohio.

- Tomorrow? - Hm.

Thursday, April 17th.

Rain in torrents nearly all night.

The lane is flooded and the ditches brim full.

This morning, only a slight shower.

Tallie came later than her usual time today.

She offered no explanation.

I'm sorry that your childhood was anything less than joyous.

Joyous it was not.

But I made my own happinesses.

My husband says, "God puts heavy stones in your path,

it's up to us to step over them."

Stones are what the fortunate receive.

My mother's mother was born in 1780

right here in Schoharie County.

I often wonder at the courage

and the resourcefulness of those women.

Imagine faring forth into a wilderness,

hoping to build the foundations of a home.

Maybe they had a certain high hopefulness that we don't have.

When can you come?

Tuesday.

- Hello, Tallie! - Good day.

Was your afternoon gladsome?

Yes, it was, very.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

I felt,

looking at her expression,

as if she were in full sail on a flood tide,

while I bobbed along down backwards.

And yet,

I never say on her countenance the indifference

of fortunate towards the less fortunate.

Good day.

Good day.

Are you sick, too?

Not at all.

I was hoping to compare colds.

I'll make you tea and honey?

What?

Every morning I wake up

and I think that I never want to be far from you.

And under your influence, since you're so good with words,

I've composed a poem.

It's entitled...

"Oh, Sick and Miserable Heart, Be Still."

When I was a little girl,

I thought I could cultivate my intellect

and do something for the world.

But my life has surprised me by being far more ordinary.

You're talking about that moment

that I have dreamed about, when we're carried in triumph

for having done something wonderful or received at home

with tears and shouts of joy.

Do you know what I wonder?

Is it possible...

that such a moment hasn't yet come for either of us?

I think it has.

Or that it could.

You do.

So what do you think?

What do you think about us?

I don't know how to put it into words.

Well, try.

- I have tried. - Well, try again.

What do you imagine?

I imagine that I love

how our encircling feelings leave nothing out...

for us to want or seek.

I've presumed too much.

It's been my experience that it's not always those

who show the least who actually feel the least.

Just my dog's toenails on the wood.

Why didn't you do what you attempted to do?

I worry you'll catch my cold.

You smell like a biscuit.

I have to go home.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

Astonishment and joy.

You haven't accomplished any of your responsibilities.

- Do you need assistance? - No, I don't think so.

So it's a cold plate for supper tonight?

I'll milk the cows.

Friday, May 30th.

The sunshine streaming through the branches

makes a tremendous farrago of light and shade.

We hold our friendship between us and study it,

as if it were the incomplete map of our escape.

When the day is done,

my mind turns to her,

and I think, with a special heat,

"Why are we to be separated?"

Your smile stopped. Is it meant for someone else?

Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.

We need calico and buttons and shoe thread.

Am I troubling you, sitting here with you like this?

Not at all.

I may be late coming to it,

but I've learned consideration of others.

I've learned the need for human sympathy

and the unfulfilled want of it.

I feel I've provided you with sympathy.

I suppose that's so.

The smile returns.

Good day.

Oh.

I believe that intimacy increases goodwill.

And if that's the case,

then every minute we spend together

will make us more cheerful workers.

Won't our farms benefit from that?

Won't our husbands?

All our burdens will be lightened.

When she left, I was like a skiff at sea

with neither hand nor helm to guide it.

They're cleaning out the drain under the street along the fork.

And several people are down with fever.

Holt came by to hang the bacon.

He still hasn't recovered from being beaten by two strangers.

He had to be hauled to his home in his cart.

He said the men who did it were gonna kill him,

and then realized they were mistaken as to who he was.

Lately, it seems like all you talk about

are highwaymen and house breakers.

On the contrary,

I often defer to your sensitivities.

And I haven't even told you about

all the reports in the county of men

who've poisoned and killed their wives

because I haven't found it a fitting subject for supper.

"Killed their wives," he used those words?

Mm-hm. those words.

Have you had any disagreements?

Yes, about my wifely duties.

I told him that I was opposed to it, that I was not willing.

And he accepted that?

Well, he hasn't touched me since, so...

But I made myself feel better...

by composing a poem.

Can I read you the opening stanza?

You can read me the entire poem.

No, I'll start with the opening stanza.

"I love flowering gardens.

I love creeping plants.

I love walking in the air,

but I fear swarming ants."

I don't think I can support the rhyme.

You see why I didn't read the whole thing?

I'm sorry.

I've always been contrary and maladroit.

Earlier, I... I felt that...

whenever I would draw close to you, you would retreat,

and that, if I kept still, you would return

but you'd stay at a distance, like those sparrows

that stay in the farmyard and won't come into the house.

- That's not how I feel. - How do you feel, then?

When I was in school,

the teacher had me read "Cordelia"

to an older boy's "King Lear."

Near the end of the play,

the king and his daughter are imprisoned,

but he views it in a positive way.

"Come, let's away to prison," he says.

"We two alone shall sing like birds in a cage."

Imprisoned...

In a positive way?

Well, maybe that one has to read the entire play.

It may be only in plays where people

are imprisoned in a positive way.

You don't think there's a cage that could work to our benefit?

I just...

I only know that...

I've never liked cages.

I hope you had a good afternoon in Shangri-La or Timbuktu,

wherever it is you've been.

I had a busy afternoon, yes.

I would think.

Five hours you've been gone.

I went to the drapers.

I couldn't find anything I liked.

Then I stopped by the tinker for a sack of coffee,

but he's now asking 60 cents, and I only had 50.

Then I thought I would buy you a treat of some kind,

but Mr. Arnolds reminded me

that I still owed for my last transactions so...

I was forced to close up my purse.

Tell me everything about your day.

Don't hold anything back.

You're not interested in how your wife spends her time.

I don't feel I have a wife.

I feel I have a selfish whore who...

who'd rather wander off to another man's house

than contribute any labor.

Well, Dyer was off in the fields,

and her house is on the way back home, so...

So it's just Abigail and you

tittering and gossiping away the hours?

Enjoying each other's company.

I have certain expectations, and you have certain duties.

We've talked all night and day about your expectations.

I will not stay with a woman

if it continually requires contention.

Well, then you shouldn't stay with me, should you?

Don't ask for more than you can handle.

Sunday, June 8th.

All afternoon, a hawk has been using a single cloud above us

as its own parasol.

To ward off others of its kind.

Our whole house now seems both angry and repentant.

God help us.

When three days went by without a word from her,

I stole over to her house to look on her

from what I imagined to be

a vantage point of perfect safety.

By turning the lens piece, I could draw her face nearer,

and hold it there until she turned away.

Her image provoked a sensation in me

like the violence that sends a floating branch

far out over a waterfall's precipice

before it plummets.

"For the wife does not have the authority over her own body,

but the husband does.

Do not deprive one another,

so that Satan may not tempt you

because of your lack of self-control."

Ephesians 5:33. "Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord..."

Monday, June 9th.

Merciful father...

Turn the channel of events.

Wednesday, June 11th.

Dyer has been silent all day,

and I was happy to be left in my solitude.

Hello!

Tallie...

We haven't seen you for days.

Have you been ill?

- Nothing serious, I hope. - Ho!

She's been under the weather.

- Good afternoon. - Good afternoon.

We want to invite you to dinner again this Saturday next.

But it's our turn. We should be feasting you.

In the meantime, please be our guests.

We'd love to.

Six?

- Six it is. - Hup!

My mother once told me in a fury

when I was a little girl

that my father asked nothing of her

except that she work in the garden,

harvest the produce, preserve the fruit,

tend the poultry, milk the cows,

manage the household duties,

and help out in the fields when needed.

She said she appeared in his ledger

only when she purchased a dress.

Am I anywhere in there?

I'm recording spring expenses.

And how have things changed?

Daughters are married off so young

that everywhere you look a slender and unwilling girl

is being forced to stem a sea of tribulations

before she is even full-grown in height.

That's its purpose!

Come on. Come on.

Morning.

Morning, Jim.

Morning, ma'am.

I've got a new book for you.

Do you know, I'd actually like to see

that blue dress you have there.

All right, lady.

Over here!

It's two and a half.

I'll take it.

My change?

Thank you.

The Mannings' oldest daughter tipped over an oil lamp

and it set the house ablaze.

- Fire! - Ho! Ho!

- Fire! - Before she was driven

from the house by the flames,

she heard calls from her sister,

who was trapped in the upper loft.

Get her out of there.

Cassie!

Get her out!

Get her out!

Your wife is to be commended on her hospitality and cooking.

I can recall the day...

No, thank you.

...when every family was fed, clothed, shot, sheltered,

and warmed from the products a good wife

gathered within her own fence line.

I heard down by the loggers that Mrs. Mannings' oldest

got fiercely burned in the house fire.

- Cassie. - And died.

Yes, she did.

Well, as my father used to say,

"The supreme disposer of all events

does sometimes disappoint our earthly hopes."

What a marvelous hanging lamp.

Finney purchased it so that everyone could read

with equal ease around the room.

I wasn't brought up to read over much,

but I do believe a father should give his children

every chance to improve.

Children being a sore point in this household.

And yours, I'd expect.

You'll have to forgive my husband.

Even so,

whatever misfortunes arrive at my doorstep,

I seek to improve my lot with my own industry.

I...

I study my options closely,

and just attend to everything with more vehemence.

Well, then you should be commended for that.

I'll give you an example.

When I first began farming,

I was so vexed at my own inability

to stop my dogs barking

that one January, during a storm,

I held the dog around the corner of the barn in a gale

until it froze to death.

I nearly froze to death myself, at least froze my hands,

even with my heavy work gloves.

That is reprehensible.

Did I see outside that you use an old shovel plow?

Well, since you're interested in my machinery,

I have a hinged harrow that's been giving me trouble.

The spikes catch the rocks and roots, and they break off.

Well, our harrow has upright discs.

Work better?

Yeah, it seems to.

Bring the desserts.

I think we're stuffed.

My husband insists on his pastries

and preserved fruits and creams.

Well, good.

What is happening?

Are you in danger?

What happened to your neck?

No, I just took a fall over a fence.

I hadn't heard.

There are many things about which you haven't heard.

Back at the table,

Tallie kept strict custody of her eyes.

Her husband's mood seemed to have darkened.

He served the pastries and creams himself,

leaving only her plate empty.

Saturday, June 21st.

My heart a maelstrom.

My head a bedlam.

A whole week and no visit from Tallie.

No word.

My anxieties often force me to stop my work

and pace the house like an inmate.

I have to see her.

Ho, ho!

Tallie! Tallie!

What has happened?

They're gone.

And no goodbye?

We need to call the sheriff.

And report what exactly? That our neighbors moved?

It's the Zebrun farm. They were renting.

I'll go then.

For what reason?

There's blood!

And you never had an accident?

So we'll just do nothing?

I'll make the rounds of the neighbors.

And if we are not satisfied,

we can take your fears to the sheriff.

Thank you.

Monday, June 23rd.

Dyer said Mrs. Nottoway recalled spotting their caravan

on the country road in the late evening, heading northwest.

Mrs. Nottoway?

She believed she spied Tallie's figure

alongside her husband's but was unsure.

A hired hand, she thought, was driving the second wagon.

Sunday, June 29th

I spotted the sheriff on his way to church.

I conveyed my accusations, to no response.

Dyer said that no one would investigate a crime

without evidence that a crime had been committed.

Calm myself?

I refused to calm myself,

so he tied me to a chair and administered laudanum.

Monday, June 30th.

Bleary and short of breath from the laudanum...

I wake weeping,

retire weeping,

stand before my duties weeping.

Sunday, July 6th.

I am a library without books,

a sea of fear, agitation and want.

Dyer speaks of how much we have for which to be grateful.

I sit violently conscious of the ticking clock

while he weeps at what he imagines

to be his own poor, forgotten self.

Wednesday, July 9th.

Despite some hours without the laudanum,

I was so befogged and wild with grief

that Dyer left me for the afternoon,

unsettled and wary of my state.

Tuesday, July 22nd.

- Weldon? - Good day.

The renters at Zebrun's farm are gone.

Did they leave a forwarding address?

No. You've got a letter.

Hyah.

Is it from her?

It is.

- Oh. - Origin?

Onondaga County. Do you know it?

It's north of Syracuse.

Are you gonna read it?

To myself.

Abigail, Abigail, Abigail.

I'm sorry that all I have to send you is this letter,

and I'm sorry for all that a letter cannot be.

Even the best letter is just a little bit of someone.

I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye,

and I'm sorry that we seem to have traded

one sort of misery for another.

It turns out that houses deep in the backwoods

always seem to be awful and unnatural in their loneliness.

If there were only a ruined abbey

around here with bats in it, the view would be perfect.

Our roof is ramshackle and sheds water nicely in dry weather

but we have to spread milk pans around the floor when it rains.

Still, outside the kitchen,

there are already anemones and heart's-ease,

and even prettier flowers which my stupidity

keeps me from naming for you.

I believe I've enjoyed myself less these last few weeks

than any other female who ever lived.

During what little time I have to myself,

Finney reads aloud instructions for wives

from the Old Testament.

But when it comes to the Bible,

I have to say that there are a lot of passages

he may know word for word,

but which haven't touched his heart.

I can't account for his state of mind except to say

that my company must be intensely disagreeable to him.

And if that's the case,

I'm sorry for it.

Ho...

Good afternoon!

Afternoon.

Whoa.

Hey.

I've got something for you.

There you go.

Thank you.

Good day.

Hyah. Come on.

- Is it for me? - From Schoharie County.

- Your Abigail. - Give that to me.

Give it. Finney, give...

Finney!

"What's to become of the thousands of our sex

scattered out in the wilderness

and obliged to tax our strengths?

I feel as if, at that selfsame hour

when our prospects were brightest,

that in the dim distance a black shadow approached.

And yet still,

imagine the happiest of unions for us of the sort

in which two families previously at daggers drawn

are miraculously brought together on love's account.

It is your face I bear through the night.

It is to you I devote a dreaming space

before I turn myself to sleep, but there is no sleep.

It's as if within me everything clamors for air,

and I think if it's like this now,

what will it be like later?

I send you what love and support I can.

I send you all my heart's hopes. Abigail."

Please know that force alone

couldn't have gotten me here to a place like this.

I was told I had to act in support of interest,

happiness and the reputation of someone I once loved.

As far as I can figure,

we're now still only about 85 miles apart.

But of course,

people like us don't go on long visits.

Dyer refused first to permit my departure,

and then to accompany me,

and only caught up to the cart

at the end of our property and climbed aboard.

We were the very picture of anguish,

rattling along side by side.

The night was fair and warm with the appearance of a coming rain.

A shower.

It's so hard to write about

how much I want to thank you,

but I have to start somewhere.

Abigail...

I want to tell you that being with you, even alone,

has been like being a part of the biggest

and most spacious community I could ever imagine.

I feel closer to you than I would a sister since

everything amazing that I feel,

I chose to feel.

And do you know what memory it is that I most cherish?

It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me

once you realized that you were loved.

I have no way of knowing what is to come,

but I do know that all of the trust

and care and courage we shared,

that will all shine on us

and protect us.

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.

Whoa.

Might I ask your business?

We've come to see Tallie. Where is she?

I heard you on the road.

You made such a racket. I took you for the tin knocker.

We've ridden for three days.

We are not leaving without seeing her.

I'm not concerned with what you will or will not leave without.

Keep a civil tongue, friend.

Where is she?

I treated her with tea of soot

and pine-tree root to good effect,

but sickness always tests our willingness

to bow before the greatest authority.

My guess is that it was diphtheria.

No!

There is some alienation from marital...

What time is it?

I don't care.

- I have to go. - You're gonna make a mark.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Sunday, August 31st.

Weather very hot and sunny.

I cleaned out the shed

which was full of rusty and dusty rubbish,

washed the windows,

and preserved apples for the winter.

Fourteen dollars from the sale of our milk and butter.

I have cut my hand with a paring knife.

I console myself with the conviction

that someday in the future when Dyer

is forced to travel to Syracuse for feed or supplies,

I will join him,

and take his rifle and go to Skaneateles

and kill Finney where he sits.

Dyer has been at work on the barn.

Each day, we enact our separation.

Sometimes after it gets dark,

we walk over the hills across our upper fields

for the wide, wide view.

And Dyer tries to imagine us as we were,

while I try to imagine Tallie

and that cordial and accepting home

that existed solely in our dreams.

I imagine Tallie and Nellie somewhere together,

and Nellie running her brush through Tallie's hair.

I imagine banishing forever those sentiments of my own

that she chastened and refined.

I imagine resolving to do what I can for Dyer.

And I imagine continuing to write in this ledger,

here,

as though this was my life.

As though my life was not elsewhere.

I've always feared that I would bring misfortune

to those I loved.

Are you really saying nothing to that?

I don't know where to start.

I can't imagine what more we could do for one another...

with our constraints.

You can't?

I can't.

You can't?

Well, then...

It's a good thing we remember that our imaginations

can always be cultivated.

这部片9分都不为过吧，编剧，导演（才35碎）），演员，台词，节奏，对那么晦涩文艺的原著短篇小说的改编，，，还有等等都不止8.1分吧，比卡罗尔落地，比菊石文艺，比烧女紧凑，觉得应该是姬片中的扛把子了，怎么会只有8.1分呢？还有哪个姬片里的两女主能如此般配到无与伦比天造地合，沃特斯特那么深情敏感，科比的层次感和性张力。还有哪个姬片里有同夫表达的那么真切的？一个包容传统一个暴虐自私，没有吧。。。剧情惨到极致的清教徒世界的女子怎么能盼到新世界的来临呢？苦逼到爆的片子，惨到不能刷两遍的片子，怎么能不炸裂整个姬圈？那么用的太多了，因为实在对8.1分看不下去了。致敬影片的所有工作者。

说起近年来好莱坞最亮眼的女演员。

凡妮莎·柯比绝对值得起一个提名。

她是《碟中谍6》中光芒几乎盖过阿汤哥的白寡妇。

也是今年颁奖季大热作品《女人的碎片》中，经历了丧女之痛的玛莎。

从危险性感的黑市军火商，到隐忍却温柔的母亲。

凡妮莎一直在向好莱坞、向市场展现她的多面性。

而如今又有一部新作品，让我们看到了她的无限潜力——

打开心世界 (2020)

8.2

2020 / 美国 / 剧情 爱情 同性 / 莫娜·法斯特欧德 / 凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿 凡妮莎·柯比

豆瓣8.2，近八成观众打出四星以上的高分。

这部电影不仅成功拿下了这一届威尼斯电影节的酷儿狮奖，也是金狮奖的提名者之一。

导演莫娜·法斯特欧德，你可能会对这个名字感到陌生。

但要是我说，她是《野马》的联合编剧之一，你也许就会有一点印象了。

《野马》

去年大魔王凯特·布兰切特配音的那部讲述隔离生活的短片，《居家自制》，我们也能在一众编剧中看到莫娜的名字。

再来看看《打开心世界》的卡司。

刚刚提到过的凡妮莎·柯比，美艳贵气、演技傲人。

一部《王冠 第二季》，曾帮她拿下艾美奖提名。

而《女人的碎片》，又让她成为今年奥斯卡影后的有力竞争者。

另一位女主，凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿。

《神奇动物在哪里》中的蒂娜，《异形：契约》中的丹尼尔斯。

一米八的高挑身材，气场强大、走路带风，是个人特色非常鲜明的女演员。

卡西·阿弗莱克，凭借《海边的曼彻斯特》中克制却动人的表演封神。

他是小金人二次得主本·阿弗莱克的弟弟，而卡西本人也是奥斯卡影帝。

《海边的曼彻斯特》

美女+影帝的配置，有颜有实力，已经很令人期待。

这部电影的故事也讲得很美。

它改编自美国作家吉姆·谢泼德在2017年发行的同名短篇小说，讲述了19世纪中期的美国，两对夫妇在困境和孤独中的挣扎。

背景设定在1856年的斯科哈里县。

农妇阿比盖尔(凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿饰)和丈夫戴尔(卡西·阿弗莱克饰)过着与世隔绝的生活。

几个月前，他们的女儿因为白喉病逝，阿比盖尔的生活也因此失去了意义。

她在日记中写道：

“天气晴朗却寒冷。今早我发现卧室里结冰了，这是这个冬天的第一次。”

“土豆刚洗好，上面的水就结成了冰。”

“没有一丝锐气，也不抱任何希望。”

“新的一年又开始了。”

新的一年又开始了，但阿比盖尔的文字却让人看不到任何希望。

冰冷、易碎、摇摇欲坠，就像土豆上的那层冰。

她每天重复做着同样的农活，日子过得机械又乏味。

与丈夫的感情，也在失去女儿之后麻木冷却。

戴尔不懂她的魂不守舍，她也不想对他敞开心扉、坦白自己的痛苦。

这一天，县里来了一对新夫妇。

妻子塔莉(凡妮莎·柯比饰)优雅、大方，阿比盖尔立刻被她吸引了。

两个女人之间建立起一种奇妙的联系。

阿比盖尔向塔莉吐露，她与戴尔的婚姻，根本与浪漫沾不上边。

两人都只是在履行义务，好让艰难又空洞的生活看起来没那么可怕。

而塔莉跟她面临着同一种困境。

塔莉说，她的丈夫芬尼脾气不好、控制欲极强。

因为自己没给他生个孩子，所以夫妻不和。

塔莉又问起阿比盖尔，她是不是也没有孩子。

阿比盖尔低下头，第一次向人倾诉出她的痛苦。

这一场交心，让阿比盖尔感到前所未有的释放与欣慰。

她与塔莉的关系也日益亲密起来。

而塔莉的丈夫芬尼也察觉到了什么。

他不怀好意地邀请阿比盖尔夫妇上门做客，想看看妻子近日都与谁厮混在一起。

但阿比盖尔和塔莉却对他的心思一无所知。

她们缩在后厨的角落，塔莉笑嘻嘻地问阿比盖尔，有没有想她。

“当然啊。”

像是闺蜜间的撒娇，又或是借着玩笑表达出的真情。

为了庆祝阿比盖尔的生日，塔莉给她买了一本她梦寐以求的地图集。

她们坐在炉火边，又一次谈起荒唐的生活。

塔莉说，丈夫有个小本子，记录着每一个她出门会面的人。

什么人、见了多久，都记得清清楚楚。

芬尼还常对她说：“妻子对自己的身体没有掌控权，但她的丈夫有。”

阿比盖尔静静地听着。

这一天，两人聊到很晚。

当塔莉结束生日访问回家时，她卷入了一场几乎让她丧命的风暴中。

芬尼带她去疗养，阿比盖尔很是担心。

但塔莉总归是回来了，那个时候已经是春天。

一场要命的风暴，让两人终于鼓起勇气，向对方袒露自己的心声。

塔莉对阿比盖尔说，自己只想和她在一起。

她们灵魂交叠，实现对彼此的完全坦诚。

自从孩子死后，戴尔变得越来越情绪化。

当阿比盖尔和塔莉在一起的时候，戴尔会感到很不安。

芬尼在塔莉离家的时候，也会萌生嫉妒之情。

于是，他再一次请阿比盖尔和戴尔共进晚餐。

阿比盖尔却注意到塔莉脖子上有瘀伤。

塔莉告诉阿比盖尔，她不知道的还有很多。

接下来的整整一个星期，塔莉都没有再去找过阿比盖尔。

无法忍受的阿比盖尔跑到塔莉家，却发现房子里空无一人，只剩下一块血淋淋的头巾。

心急如焚的她试图向警方求救，却并未得到任何反馈。

最终，她还是收到了塔莉的一封信。

塔莉告诉她，自己和芬尼已经搬到了85英里以外的地方。

阿比盖尔坚持要去看塔莉。

戴尔再三阻拦，最后还是决定陪伴她一同前往。

然而，当他们到达时，只看到床上一具冰冷的尸体。

塔莉已经死了，芬尼声称是白喉。

但阿比盖尔却坚信，是芬尼毒死了塔莉。

阿比盖尔又回到了她的农场。

她和戴尔继续一起生活，但感情越来越疏远。

沉闷的生活，日复一日，虽然没有意义，但也并非无法忍受。

她又做回了那只笼子里的鸟。

在那个年代，女性的力量很微弱，但仍燃起了几点星火。

玛丽·沃斯通克拉夫特的一本《女权辩护》，正式打响女权主义的战争。

女权先驱用她们瘦弱的身板，对抗着父权的不公。

但那一年，又离女性意识的彻底觉醒，仍差着半个多世纪。

那一场轰轰烈烈的妇女选举权运动，还没有真正地开展起来。

整个女性群体在无尽的黑暗长夜中，半梦半醒、又义无反顾地摸索着前行。

而阿比盖尔和塔莉，也正是这半梦半醒中的一员。

可她们终究还是不同的。

阿比盖尔小时候曾演过《李尔王》中的女儿。

“来吧，我们去监狱，就像在笼子里唱歌的鸟儿。”

阿比盖尔认为，即使被囚在鸟笼里，也依旧能放声歌唱。

但塔莉不同，在笼子里，她便无法发声。

所以，她逃到了阿比盖尔这里，从由窒息的生活所编织的铁笼中脱身。

她试图逃离丈夫的控制、逃离所谓妇道的禁锢，最终成了殉道者。

紫罗兰凋零，新世界将至。

台湾作家简媜在她的代表作《四月裂帛》里写道：

“深情即是一桩悲剧， 必得以死来句读。”

如果旧世界甚至容纳不下两个女人的心意相通，那么凋零，其实也是一种反抗。

*本文作者：吃吃

短评字数受限，我只好来凑数长评。影片中两位女主的第一次吻戏，我觉得是整部影片最大的亮点。

在亲吻之前，二人对话的氛围就已经十分暧昧：Tallie来探望Abigail（她此番是有备而来，为了表明心迹），寒暄过后，Tallie坐在椅子上，看着正在忙着给她沏茶的Abigail，半天不吭声。Abigail觉得奇怪，停下手中的事情，回头问她怎么了。犹豫了一会，Tallie鼓起勇气说“每天早上醒来，我都在想永远都不要离开你”，这句话近似告白，Abigail听后低头抿了抿嘴，想说什么最终又没说，回过头继续忙碌（她一向内敛）。Tallie第一次露出微笑，是看到喜欢的人被自己撩到的那种笑；接着Tallie说受 Abigail的影响她写了一首诗，念出了诗的标题，一听也是在诉衷肠，继续表白。Abigail自然地接过话题，感慨曾以为自己的才情可以改变世界，没想到却是这么平凡。听了这句话，Tallie好像得到了某种鼓舞，她表示同感，激动地表达了自己对于成功和幸福生活的憧憬，然后问“你知道我想问什么吗？”，Abigail茫然摇头，Tallie站起来靠近她，急切、却又小心地问：“有没有可能，这种幸福的时刻还未曾光临过我们（我们从未体验过这种幸福的感觉）？”，Abigail回答“我认为有过”，又改口说“可能有过”。 Tallie貌似对这个答案不满意，反问一句“是吗？”，便开始追问“那么你怎样看待我们（之间的关系）？”，Abigail紧张地排词遣句，最后干脆豁出去（挑了一下眉毛）说出她其实反复思量很多次的答案：“l imagine that l love how our encircling feelings leave nothing out for us to want or seek（我觉得我喜欢那种萦绕着我们的感觉，这种感觉竟让我们如此心无旁骛地互相渴望、彼此探寻）”，Tallie第二次露出微笑，这次是了然于心、志得意满的笑。

从这段对话不难看出，Tallie和Abigail在遇见彼此以前，从来没有体验过人与人之间那种强烈的互相吸引和张力，包括和自己的丈夫都未有过，Tallie尤其如此。Abigail之所以说“我认为我有过”，那是因为她和丈夫的确有过一段“相对”幸福的时光，然而一切都因一场变故其实更有可能是认识Tallie后黯然失色了（她对与丈夫的床笫之欢兴致缺缺，之后虽有过一次，我觉得她更像是为了抚慰丈夫）。Tallie就更不必说了，她和丈夫的感情并不好，Abigail可以说是她生活中唯一的一抹亮色。对于她俩而言，认识对方才是自己所期盼的那种幸福时刻的开始，Tallie的言外之意即在于此，她非常想知道Abigail是否抱有同样的看法。所以听到Abigail的回答，她索性把问题挑明，两次追问。Tallie的心意此时已经全部显露了，Abigail的回答也足够热烈直白，末了还用一句“也许我想太多了”来给自己解围，Tallie再来一句：“在我看来，有些人不善于表达并不代表他们感觉不到。”——至此，二人心迹袒露无遗，且彼此确信，一锤定音，张力的弦经过几番对话已经拉满得犹如圆月，蓄势待发。

亲吻一开始主动的是Tallie，可是当她甫一靠近、Abigail才刚来得及微闭着眼睛去感受的时候，Tallie退却了，大概是有点害羞，她低着头吃吃笑。 Abigail一改平时的矜持，微微蹲下身子（她比Tallie高），看着她的眼睛，七分嗔爱三分揶揄地问她“为什么不继续做你想做的事？”（这一幕太有爱了！），Tallie咬紧牙关，既克制又羞涩，扭头正准备回答，Abigail却用指头微微抬起她的下巴主动凑近，Tallie先退后进，反守为攻，Abigail则顺势抓住对方的衣领，于是二人有了第一个贪婪又克制的吻。当喘息渐浓，彼此都想要索取更多时，Tallie又停了下来，不过从她脸上凸现几次的咬肌可以看出，她仍在艰难地克制，是不得已才从此间抽离。Abigail又微微蹲下，这一次是略带不解地看着Tallie的眼睛，Tallie笑着说：“我怕把感冒传染给你。”Abigail:“你闻起来有饼干的香味。”两人都忍不住笑了，Tallie用鼻尖蹭了蹭 Abigail的额头，嘴唇凑近，似挑逗又似抚慰，温柔地说“我得回家了”，仿佛下了很大决心（咬肌再次凸现），她走了出去。看看她那双无处安放的手吧：先按了按Abigail的手，然后在裙子上摩挲了一下（因为刚刚紧张出汗？），又抬起来好像整理了一下衣领（接吻时 Abigail一直拉着Tallie的衣领，以使她与自己靠得更近），最后摸着自己滚烫的脸颊，一开始出门还走错了方向；Abigail则出神地站在原地，回头惊觉Tallie已经离开、缓过神后，就一直在细品、回味。

Astonishment and joy. Astonishment and joy. Astonishment and joy.这三句是以Abigail朗读日记的画外音形式出现的。三次的语气，第二次比第一次更加笃定，而第三次更像是喜极而泣般的呓语（估计她写日记时又回味了一遍～），这三次重复更是凸显出情感的往复低回、缠绵不尽。

曾在心里反复思量却找不到定义的情感，此刻却演变成这种突如其来的亲密。手足无措下，她不得不找个椅子坐着，将身体舒展开来，以近乎献祭的方式，微笑着，喘息着，翱翔着，敞开身心去迎接和感受这神圣的战栗和狂喜（这时画外音Astonishment and joy第三次响起，结合着她的喘息声和肢体语言，我甚至认为她的身体和精神都达到了愉悦的顶峰。此时配乐加入了空灵悠远的女声吟唱，有如圣歌。而我相信，情和欲的极致是带有神性的）。接下来，她让自己的身心一整天都继续沉浸于这种恍惚和迷醉。天色已晚，她还慵懒地靠在椅子里，仍沉浸在这又惊又喜的余波里，有一搭没一搭地拨弄着手中的毛线，心不在焉。丈夫回家她也没发觉，他开口责备她怎么一天什么事也没做时，她才如梦初醒起身跑去忙碌。

弗吉尼亚·伍尔夫在《达洛维夫人》一书中，对这一乍现的欢喜有着非常精妙的描写：“这样的感觉虽然只在一时，但已足够。这是不期而至的启示，如脸上泛起的一阵红晕，你想要加以遏制，然而它已扩散开，你拿它束手无策，只得赶紧躲到偏僻的角落里，在那里暗自颤抖，感觉这个世界在向你逼近，这个世界因为某种奇异的意义、某种狂喜的压力而不断膨胀，挣破了稀薄的表皮喷涌而出，用超凡的抚慰能力，缝合了裂缝与剧痛！然后，就在那一刻，她看见了一幕幻景，在一朵藏红花中燃烧着的一根火柴，一种内在的意义几乎就要显露出来。可是，靠近中的世界撤退了，那份坚强也随之疲软了下去。结束了——这个时刻到此为止了。”——导演非常善于捕捉和放大这种微妙的情绪，我刚刚看了一下，果然是女导演。

人的一生会有多少次这样洪恩浩荡的时刻呢？即使出现了，恐怕也只有非常细腻的人才能捕捉到吧！因为“没有一种体验是过于渺小的，就是很小的开展都像是一个大的命运，并且这命运本身像是一块奇异的广大的织物，每条线都被一只无限温柔的手引来，排在另一条线的旁边，千百条互相持衡”。这神奇的命运的经纬，是上天的馈赠，更需敏锐的心智才能完成。

何其有幸，能被这神圣时刻光临，又何其有幸，拥有能力可以感知其中的奥义！她们从此为对方开启了一个与现实抗衡的新世界，这个世界美丽、神秘而隐蔽。犹如广袤的天国里突然传来启示的钟声，澒洞浩渺，恭闻一度是幸，日日敬聆是福。对她们来说，“如果此刻就能奔赴黄泉，那么此刻就是最幸福的时刻了”。

从这一刻起，她们就是照亮彼此唯一的光，也许和这冰冷残酷的现实相比，还不够暖，不够亮，可是相互慰藉已经足够。Tallie给Abigail写信说：“You are my city of joy. ”每颗受情感饱和的心都是一座小宇宙，她们就是这个宇宙的创世者。所以即使Tallie被无情终结了生命，在Abigail的小宇宙里，Tallie依然是她永世的爱人。

我从配乐响起就开始落泪，止不住，我不知道为什么唯独对这一幕念念不忘。脑海里一直在循环回放这一场景，我好像也晕晕乎乎了一整天。其实我与同性从未有过亲吻或其他爱情层面的肢体接触，当然并不一定是肌肤相亲才能产生这种ecstasy，有时候一个眼神、一个字、一句话都可以让人内心翻涌如海啸，不论取向，这种感觉是相通的。

谁不曾有过让自己辗转反侧却又无处安放的情绪？是人类的语言太匮乏，还是我太笨拙而无法定义？不管了！写完了，我去睡了，见者好梦！晚安！

2021.3.4 23:38

我也曾被给予过别无所求的馈赠。尽管取向不一，天性敏感的我对于女孩之间这种超乎性别的情感也能够深刻共情（在这个复杂的世界，我不是不懂成年人的心机和伎俩，因此真诚才会显得那么难能可贵，我得到的教益也会让我受惠终生）。不过彼时的我天真地以为，情感的理想结局应是投桃报李，因此感恩之余又常因无以为报而心怀愧疚；而如今的我已经明白：一些情绪萌生，不一定要有双向的回应，它们存在过，也许就有了着落和意义。遂释然，祝安好！

写于2021年心境豁然开朗的某天

不推荐这部影片，因为导演略显残忍。僵硬泛青的尸体，撕开了观众的心。眼见着灵动美丽的爱人被一步步剥夺生命，而观众和女主一样无能为力，这么沉痛的死亡、压抑的愧疚、深深的无力，导演竟全然不给一点释放的空间，明明在爱人骤然离开生死未卜的时候，导演都可以肆意的让女主沉浸在痛哭、哀嚎和歇斯底里中。而真正死亡揭幕时，导演一步步的制造了一个沉重的拉人入绝望体会的能量团，最后用激情肉体不断闪回，和冰冷尸体的强烈对比，搅拌这团漩涡，一股脑砸进观众内心，然后戛然而止全不理会。看完以后不可能不堵心，因为这团有意为之的漩涡没得到释放，只能凌迟着观众同为人类最基本的慈心和同情心，这种感受很像一次小小的心理创伤。

很多电影让人印象深刻，它们拨动人类共性的情愫，调动观众的共情，让相似的情感得以宣泄，正是在别人的故事里留下自己的眼泪，或者重新植入新的理念给有同样伤口的人，这是电影治愈的力量。有些电影全程阴郁的很，作为一种叙事的色调，也无可厚非。而有些电影，导演特别设计的影像，就是为了精准的你心里割上一小刀，不管故事、内涵、电影语言多么优秀，这种难忘的一幕还是不够善意，显得阴险。

小說與電影改編

原著裡，Tallie出場比較平淡。不曉得她什麼時候搬來，但是她的狗在1月8日先在鄰居來往道路吠聲引起注意。1月15日Tallie同樣是為了避開Finney殺豬氛圍，不經意拜訪Abigail。好像這段情事是意外地逐漸發生。

所有電影回眸一望都是重要行為語言

電影把Tallie出場往後延到2月3日，她坐在搬遷的馬車上與Abigail對望，暗示神秘連結已然存在。從季節意義來看，苦寒一月份交待Abigail與Dyer生活方式、喪女悲痛，以及她寫筆記的由來、遺憾沒有喜怒哀樂可以紀錄。等到2月10日Tallie便從雙層樓房走出，從山路往下走到Abigail住處，此時積雪半融與綠色草地交錯，也代表心境開始轉換。

這段山路取景角度非常神奇，難得在電影中可以讓主角看著心愛的人從開闊遠景慢慢走來與逐漸遠離，這樣盼望實在太糾心了。

第一次來訪，積雪半融

兩位主角在書中相會次數不算多，Abigail對於Tallie莫名的心動感覺，全部集中在原著1月15日初訪紀錄。

她只是撩撥頭髮

電影將書中整段由外而內循序分散到其他會面：

• 例如片中2月10日第一次接觸，Abigail提到Tallie散發玫瑰與紫羅蘭的容貌，令她不好意思直盯：In the winter sun though the window, her skin had an under flush of rose and violet that disconcerted me until I look away.
• 片中2月17日一起拔雞毛，觀察Tallie說話方式，對方想要聊得更深入：Her manner is calm and mild and gracious, and yet her spirits seem to quicken at the prospect of further conversation with me.（藝術電影常用人物裸露來形容無所隱瞞，本片此刻不適合褪去衣服，或許用拔掉雞毛來象徵想要獲得真心話吧。）
• 片中2月25日，Abigail獨自擠牛奶，意識到兩人有特別情愫：There seems to be something going on between us that I cannot unravel.

在兩人交往過程，Tallie大部分是主動者，電影表演方式更突顯她的行動。片中2月17日一起拔雞毛之後，Tallie詢問Abigail與Dyer相識過程。Abigail吐露Dyer並不是符合理想伴侶，但只能硬著頭皮繼續相處。說完Tallie輕扣Abigail小指，背景是壁爐火光如愛之烈焰。

壁爐火光常代表熱愛

但在原著，這一段「靈感」出自書中1月22日，Tallie初訪一週後未再現身，像是Abigail內心獨白，在最後寫道And so our hands were joined if our hearts no yet knitted together. 好像是指她和Dyer有手牽手但沒有心連心。然而在電影不談Dyer，轉換成Tallie輕扣Abigail手指，強調兩人才是交心伴侶。

電影在Tallie輕扣小指後，緊接著就是Abigail婉轉拒絕Dyer求歡。

Abigail的生日禮物是Tallie與Dyer一場競爭。Abigail在原著想要的是字典，Dyer並沒有任何批評。Abigail在片中一開始就指明地圖集，還被Dyer消遣一下。Tallie在原著與電影都以地圖集作為禮物。誰能獲得芳心，高下立見。

Abigail生日當天，原著與電影都提到Tallie鞋子浸水，脫鞋後Abigail親手為Tallie取暖。不同的是書中的Tallie居然經過一大段對話還能神色自若接受Abigail服務，並一度閉眼享受按摩。電影劇本比較了解暗戀者的緊張情怯，Tallie很快就把腳收回。

Tallie一度不敢置信Abigail要摸她的腳

生日之後出現一場冰風暴。原著裡人物只能躲在屋中，擔心天氣預報和憂慮存糧。Dyer向Abigail倒述小時候經歷大地震，恐懼久久不散。Abigail憐惜他，兩人同床共枕拾回熱情。

導演在這段另外發揮，予兩對夫妻深深同情。片中Dyer冒著風雪將牲畜趕到穀倉，受阻無法回家。還好Abigail綁著繩子，循線救回Dyer，於是命運共同感促成他們拾回熱情。Tallie則是前往Abigail家半路遇風雪折回，途中逃離可能遭受性騷亂的遮蔽處，冒險回家嚴重凍傷，Finney就算是壞人，也急著救回妻子。

冰風暴三個星期，Abigail以為再也不見Tallie蹤影，沒想到她出現了。書中3月4日描述Abigail內心衝擊：When she arrived my heart was like a leaf borne over a rock by rapidly moving water. 同一天也寫出她在Tallie離去時依依不捨：as if she were in full sail on a flood tide while I bobbed along down backwaters.

電影改用3分半鐘的影像描述兩週時光堆疊上述兩句話的重量。片中Tallie於4月10日再度出現。鏡頭已變成一片青山，Abigail看著Tallie從山坡緩步走近。

盼到人來，悸動之心如落葉被急流沖向岩石

接著Tallie來訪頻率，不再是書中一週又一週，而是每隔兩三天，兩人弄毛線圈、擠牛奶、坐看夕陽、曬衣服、併肩漫步⋯⋯顯出感情不斷升溫。

這可能是大家嚮往的退休生活

最後到了片中4月22日，Abigail看著Tallie背影，道出她的依依不捨。

目送背影，她乘風疾去，我越退越遠

這段3分半鐘影像還有更重要的任務是烘托三天後已到臨界點的告白。原著是Tallie出現後一週即告白，電影醞釀手法相對細膩。

書中3月11日對這場告白處理得有點曲折。前面寫了很多其他事情，最後突然寫到在微小燭光下回憶Tallie來訪，氣勢較弱。此段電影劇本大幅改寫，彰顯Tallie力量，也讓兩位主角大秀演技。

告白之路

片中發生於4月25日，這天鏡頭反過來隨著Tallie下山走近Abigail家中，一路跟著背影進入廚房，再像男主人般坐在椅上。Tallie胸口明顯起伏，好像呼吸急促，等到Abigail回神，她直接破題：Every morning I wake up and I think that I never want to be far from you.

看到Abigail沒有同樣反應，只好開玩笑自己寫了詩”O Sick and Miserable Hearts, Be Still”。

小說沒有這種現代告白：我每天都不想離開你

其實書中Tallie沒有直接破題，但是無緣無故提到這首詩暗為告白楔子。

Abigail把話題轉到自己從未實現成就大事的期望，長大後只是庸庸碌碌。Tallie把話題引回，質疑想要感受成就、滿足、喜悅的期望，能不能此刻在我們身上實踐？在Tallie追問下，Abigail承認兩人親密的感覺達到別無所求的滿足。

下一段吻戲大概在女女電影可以排名前幾大佳作，很難得看到吻戲不只是單純角度和動作，而是欲語還休百轉千折。Vanessa Kirby努力壓抑的下顎搶盡鏡頭。

下顎搶盡鏡頭

電影演出效果較原著青出於藍，比較一下原文描述：

She leaned forward and offered me her lips kiss and then turned her cheek, which I then kissed instead. I asked why she hadn’t done as she was going to do, and she had no reply. So I took her hands and then er shoulders and, with our eyes fully open, brought my mouth to hers.

原著與電影都用連三次Astonishment and joy表現Abigail感受，但要配上Katherine Waterston雙手敞開仰臥長桌，才算傳達極致喜悅。

Astonishment and joy

一般觀眾可能不會注意，片中日期突然從4月25日一下子跳到5月30日，最後如何補回這段缺頁歸功於導演創意。

場景突然變成風光明媚日頭高照。等到只留兩人同處，馬上激烈擁吻。Tallie直接結論兩人親密關係能夠利己利人幫助農莊三贏：I believe that intimacy increases goodwill⋯⋯Won't our farms benefit from that? Won't our husbands? 後來畫面切到Abigail獨自裸身在床，暗示兩人已有肌膚之親。

書中沒有這種尺度

書中在告白兩週後，雙方才會面。一見面並沒有激情四射，而是先討論的是彼此的感覺，這是什麼樣感情，該如何應對⋯⋯雙方處於摸索狀態，後來Tallie便提出那個利己利人的歪理緩解焦慮。她們當時沒聽過針對女同志的批判，對於同性戀情並不感到羞恥，也不存在道德負擔。這天在原著中激情尺度只限於「微微愉悅」：We spent the interval thereafter consoling each other and allowed ourselves some gentle excitement.

接下來一次會面，電影有大幅更動，加入原著中未曾出現對話，兩人竟然談論《李爾王》，大概是北歐導演神來一筆。

場景更是綠意盎然，兩人舖席躺臥在大樹下，Tallie下著紅裙，上衣扣子完全敞開，雖然沒什麼動作，畫面傳達濃厚春心盪漾，不像原著都在屋子裡談話。

綠蔭紅裙，春心盪漾

片中當天話題大致源於書中4月1日內容，包含Tallie三行詩、與Finney不和以及殺妻新聞。

最大重點是Tallie認為以前Abigail一直和她保持距離不敢靠近。書中這個話題僅止於Abigail表示現在會熱情接納Tallie。但在片中Tallie繼續追問以前你為什麼不敢接納我？Abigail便提到《李爾王》啟示，樂觀地把牢籠視為保護網，好像暗示Abigail過去用暗戀方式繼續和Tallie見面，現在則可以躲在婚姻掩飾下和Tallie暗通款曲。不過Tallie表明她不喜歡牢籠。可想而知Finney作為她的獄吏，比Dyer之於Abigail，更為凶險。

片中這一段添加兩人突然聽到樹枝被踩斷聲音，她們沒有看到人影，回頭繼續談話。下一幕就是Finney揶揄Tallie在香格里拉午後時光，暗示Finney已經知情，危機逐漸增高。

其實Dyer在生日送禮那天就心理有數

書中一週後，仍不見Tallie人影，a hawk has been using a single cloud above us as its own parasol. 在上空盤旋的老鷹象徵不安，電影還加碼讓Dyer雙手血淋淋處理飛禽。

Abigail終於一反過去被動，不想空等Tallie，趁著夜色迫近Finney農莊，用單筒望遠鏡察看Tallie安危。這是書中最令我感到激昂段落。

這一段天氣運用，電影和原著順序不太一樣。書中是在大雨過後，Abigail趁雨停了才去偷偷察看Tallie。片中是察看Tallie之後，雨水落在Tallie往來的山坡路上，Abigail窗戶流下雨滴。一般而言，下雨的場景通常代表劇中人內心落淚的電影語言。

流淚的山坡路

Tallie再次出現，她和Finney坐在馬車上，邀請Dyer和Abigail前來聚餐。Tallie不能說話，所以Abigail在書中當天只好紀錄地方新聞。片中則是讓我們看到這輛馬車走在Tallie往來的山坡路上。此刻馬車像是負棺的靈車。

赴宴之前，電影做了不少更動，讓Abigail憤怒達到最高點。Abigail看到Dyer忙著筆記突然惱火，她想到母親說她做完所有家務，只有在買衣服時才會出現在父親筆記上成為一筆開銷。她感歎女孩還沒成年就出嫁，提前面對人生無盡難題。這段在書中原是聚餐一週後，看不到Tallie所生感歎，不過片中Abigail不再被動，聚餐一週後就採取行動，這種感歎改到赴宴之前，累積Abigail爆發力。

片中Abigail為了聚餐特別到鎮上購衣（剛好呼應上述買衣才會出現在筆記上的一筆開銷），遇上Manning樓房發生火警，眾人無力滅火，只能眼睜睜看著女孩燒死。Abigail在大火前咬牙切齒，預告Abigail對即將來臨的悲劇同樣無從著力。

憤怒之火

其實這個火災出現在原著Tallie告白同一天，反諷的是書中女孩並沒有立刻被燒死，而是被水潑到受寒，罹患肺炎過世。在那個艱困時代，不論如何救治都難逃一死。

那場四人餐敘，Finney完全展現父權思維和殘忍暴力性格。通常為了長期居留會對鄰居保持和諧形象，如此毫不掩飾，顯示他根本不想再待下去了。席中Dyer和Finney討論到犁鏟，書中只是一句話帶過。片中大段談起鉸鏈式和圓盤式不同，最後Finney詢問你家的比較好用嗎？我不寒而慄，Finney把Tallie視為可以更換的不良工具。

片中聚餐一週後，Abigail始終等不到Tallie出現，決定單槍匹馬騎去找她，主動發現Finney農莊已經人去樓空，而不是如書中等到鄰居轉告消息。片中Abigail自己向警長報告Finney遷居疑點，也不像書中是由Dyer出面。

Abigail因為情緒激動，被Dyer施以鴉片酊鎮定。他算是相對溫和的男性，但是丈夫對妻子下藥，現代人都會感到不可思議。可能是因為連Dyer都會用藥物來控制妻子，電影把它延續到Tallie死因，暗示Finney可能用藥過量毒死妻子。

原著最後轉折是Tallie從新居來信。

導演另外加碼演出Dyer想要一起讀信，被Abigail拒絕。這封信除了描述Tallie悲慘新生活，關鍵點是提供所在位置。Abigail回信之後，接著就啟程前往探視（其實是救援），這不就是那本地圖集賦予女性行動力的意義嗎！可惜原著是在Tallie死後，Abigail才啟程，動機已經被弱化了。

片中Tallie收到Abigail回信，電影故意對比Finney不顧Tallie隱私，拿走信件朗讀。書中Abigail來不及回信，那只是她打算寫下的內容，Tallie到死前一直孤寂無助，沒有得到Abigail安慰。

其實書中Abigail收到Tallie死訊並未馬上動身，她大哭兩天，又被施以鴉片酊，四天後才決定不顧反對探視，Dyer攔阻不成才跟著上路。

原著對三天路程沒有太多著墨，電影影像處理非常豐富，讓Abigail從柔軟女子變身戰士。Dyer無奈地從床上起身，Abigail俐落整理行囊。馬車進入峽谷，兩旁是高聳綠林。Abigail一向藍衣白衣，這次全身穿著紅色代表熱血沸騰。她內心迴盪Tallie信件，像是強力召喚促她登上征途：do you know what memory it is that I most cherish? It's of you turning to me with that smile you gave me once you realized that you were loved.

我最珍貴回憶是你第一次意識到我愛你而轉身對我微笑

此行終點是依舊不假以顏色的Finney。原著Abigail毫無收穫，連Tallie墓地也無從得知。片中Abigail還能看到Tallie香消玉殞最後一面。當她同臥身旁，導演拉出時光機器，一串纏綿悱徹蒙太奇。從告白之後，片中消失六個星期，自4月26日到6月5日，兩人有時天天相見，直到老鷹開始盤旋⋯⋯

我認為這段象徵愛與死並列的纏綿蒙太奇是近期詮釋最好的激情戲。原著是在筆記上紀錄一段無人知曉秘密情事，電影進一步探索隱藏在筆記沒寫出的激情。

Abigail回到老家，在書中第一句就是她割傷手，像傷了心。片中Dyer也曾經姆指受傷，那天就是Tallie送給Abigail的生日禮物打敗Dyer的禮物。

片中有一段Abigail默默發願，如果有機會再接近Finney農莊，要用來福槍把他斃了。書中沒有這一段，因為她在原著性格偏向柔弱。

書中結尾是 I imagine continuing to write in this ledger, as though this was my life. As though my life was not elsewhere. 好像Abigail只是收斂到筆記裡。

電影選擇書中另一段作為結尾，更加催淚。原著提到Abigail與Dyer只能貌合神離繼續共同生活。片中Dyer試圖爭取Abigail，她回答 I can't imagine what more we could do for one another...其實這一句在書中是Abigail曾對Tallie訴說。

片中Dyer和Tallie一起追問Abigail，你沒辦法嗎？

Abigail拒絕Dyer。

Tallie則是安慰她：imaginations can always be cultivated.

最後Abigail與Tallie閉上雙眼，想像不曾離去的春閨夢裡人。

催生電影

The World To Come 短篇小說作者Jim Shepard長於從歷史研究發展故事，本書靈感來自他撿到一本年代久遠的農莊記事本，記錄日常的天氣和作物播種收割等雜事，卻在頁面邊緣出現一行字“my best friend has moved away, I don’t think I will ever see her again.” （我的好友搬走，我再也見不到她了）。

我讀過原著，直覺作者把這段女女戀寫得太溫和含蓄。當時我不太適應這篇文言文風格，而且兩人在書中會面大約七次，其中三次親密接觸其實相當節制，結尾悲劇收場雖悵然，似乎不夠合情合理，不曉得電影公司看中什麼特別之處？

催生電影第一位推手是Ron Hansen。他專長美國拓荒時代歷史，是The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford（刺殺傑西 ）原著作者及電影編劇，此片讓Casey Affleck(凱西·艾佛列克)演技開始受到重視廣獲好評，當年奪得National Society of Film Critics（國家影評人協會獎）最佳男配角。

Hansen與Shepard相識，想要聯手推出另一部拓荒時代電影，找上凱西・艾佛列克獲得支持。時機正好，他得到奧斯卡男主角之後取得Amazon Studios合約，2017年自組製片公司Sea Change Media。

事後來看Hansen最大貢獻是將片中食衣住行細節影像化，尤以凱西·艾佛列克所拿古樸削蘋果器為代表。片中主角永遠忙著各式各樣粗活，傳統夫妻關係在艱困環境中彼此煎熬，沒有空間追求自己夢想。

然而全由異性戀男子發展這個女女戀劇本，在這年頭欠缺女性觀點恐怕引人非議。艾佛列克認真考慮Hansen提議，找來第二位電影推手，自家公司的製作人Whitaker Lader出面整合兩位編劇。團隊努力讓故事更聚焦在兩位女主角，增加相處次數，還原對話和互動。劇本文字非常優美，我發現幾乎都從小說原封不動搬移，當初閱讀原著並無特別感受，但劇本再透過Katherine Waterston（飾Abigail）詩意旁白， 喜怒哀樂在銀幕上鮮活起來，也幫我真正體會原著女性聲音。

Lader關鍵使命是找到導演。她曾經在日舞影展擔任電影創投業務，因為日舞工作機緣賞識挪威女導演Mona Fastvold首部作品The Sleep Walker，邀請她來執導。

Mona Fastvold

這部電影沒有雄厚資金，但Fastvold不願意妥協數位拍攝、綠幕特效、人工佈景等，她堅持16mm攝影機，取景於羅馬尼亞喀爾巴阡山脈，還要求四季變化真實景觀 ，於是拍攝時程變成非常嚴苛的24個工作天。劇組就隨著季節更迭多次來回拍攝。

取景地點是人煙稀少沒有車輛行駛的森林深處，工作人員得徒手搬運設備，還要避免山區野狗攻擊。山路難行導致Vanessa Kirby（飾Tallie）和藝術指導Jean- Vincent Puzos都扭傷腳踝。Vanessa Kirby第一天就受傷，被劇組揹著移動，好幾場戲改成坐在椅上演出。

不曉得這部片是否證明Lader製作功力，後來她跳槽大型製片公司Imagine Entertainment獲得專屬製作合約。

Fastvold很勇於挑戰旁白。它常見於回憶倒述、引用書信、表達內心的古老技巧，被現代電影人嗤之以鼻，貶為偷懶取巧。導演反向操作加重旁白，Abigail不論有沒有和別人對話，常可以聽到她的內心話，甚至壓過對話。這個旁白效果不像有些喜劇用於表達心口不一致，而是突顯Abigail藉由內心世界忍耐現實生活。

導演從一開始便屬意Katherine Waterston飾演Abigail。導演認為她能詮釋隱藏秘密。她很喜歡這部劇本，希望等她生完小孩來接演。Waterston內斂演出完全符合角色性格。有些人會訝異她在最後一段纏綿蒙太奇出現胸部激突，其實只是育兒哺乳的附加效果。

選定Abigail之後，要尋找相反特質的Tallie。導演看中Vanessa Kirby，因為她有種嬉戲精力，能掌握幽默時間點，具有控制權。為了從蕭瑟冬季突顯Tallie，化妝師Gemma Hoff將她髮色染紅，還加上一點雀斑。對Abigail而言，紅髮的Tallie就像春天來臨。

原文發表於 //www.orange-review.com/2021/03/the-world-to-come.html

Katherine Waterston攝於錄音室

Vanessa Kirby攝於錄音室

1856年1月1日，阿比盖尔在日记里写道：“洗土豆的时候，水一碰到土豆表面就冻住了。没有自尊可言，带着所剩无几的希望，我们开始了新的一年。”《打开心世界》的故事，即在这样一片阴郁低沉的灰冷色调中展开。

由挪威导演莫娜·法斯特欧德执导的《打开心世界》改编自美国作家吉姆·谢泼德的同名短篇小说，讲述1850年代的纽约上州，农妇阿比盖尔与邻居妻子塔莉之间相伴相爱的故事。改编过程中，影片极大程度地保留了原作娓娓道来的细腻文学性，以主角阿比盖尔的日记为线索串起山林间的四季变化，用墨水和眼泪，记录一段隐秘而热烈的同性之爱。

“The World to Come”的标题颇具宗教意味。女儿因白喉去世后，哀痛的阿比盖尔和本就寡言的丈夫戴尔日益疏远。她不再去教堂，也不再相信应许的身后世界，只能埋首于繁重的劳作中，把所有思绪和情感倾注于笔端，藏进一篇篇日记里。

新邻居芬尼和塔莉夫妇的到来，打破了阿比盖尔家冷漠而微妙的平衡。一头红发的塔莉为画面添上第一抹暖色，阿比盖尔藏起的天赋和自我，在机敏又生动的塔莉面前无处遁形。

每段爱情故事的开端都需要合理契机，而阿比盖尔与塔莉初遇时的眼神交换，已经迸溅出一星不讲道理又合乎情理的火苗。面对初次拜访的塔莉，阿比盖尔礼貌周到，但拉近的摄影机暴露了她的目光轨迹，借着一串毫不遮掩的特写在塔莉袖口和脸庞流连。“她的皮肤泛着淡淡的玫瑰色和紫罗兰色”，阿比盖尔当天在日记里记下的，是我们和她同步完成的秘密观察。

从隆冬到盛夏，季节流转的隐喻贯穿全片，美丽而残酷。随着白昼渐长，塔莉短暂的午后拜访也被拉长成恋恋不舍的逗留，以丈夫为话题展开的闲谈逐渐被智识与心灵的诗意交流取代。身为女性的共同经验联结起两个初次体悟喜悦之情的女人，心意相通的证明从语言过渡到身体，最终把手指触碰的暧昧，升温成了水到渠成的吻。

大概所有定情之吻都动人，既有层次丰富的试探，也少不了确定自己被爱的欣喜与释然。《打开心世界》中的这场吻戏将情感共振后的余波处理得尤其细腻，一吻过后，塔莉出门时失措得走错了方向，而阿比盖尔带着一滴愣神的泪，将蜷曲已久的身躯舒展开来。

这对角色关系的饱满完成度，很大程度上归功于两位主演贴合角色又默契自然的表演。凡妮莎·柯比演绎的塔莉身上有一种准确的平衡感，真挚勇敢的背后，仍保有一份残酷的清醒；饰演阿比盖尔的凯瑟琳·沃特斯顿则像是整部影片的锚，用沉静的嗓音，将观众缓缓拉进满溢柔情和悲伤的溪水。

两位演员的出色表演，搭配上16mm胶片摄影机的柔美摄影和存在感极强的管乐配乐，一同把阿比盖尔与塔莉的爱情描摹成一幅笔触平缓却暗藏汹涌的古典油画。框住两人的景框空间虽然狭窄拥挤，但曾缚于方寸之地的心，已经在“惊异与欢喜”中步入广阔新天地。

可惜，这片天地中并不只有她们两人。卡西·阿弗莱克饰演的戴尔虽然常在出场时逼停背景音乐，却不是脸谱化的反角，不擅表达感情的他身上有一种无力的仁厚，和妻子一同囚于生活的隐形牢笼之中；相较而言，克里斯托弗·阿波特出演的芬尼略显功能化，同时是虚伪教徒和暴戾父权代言人的他，理所当然地将妻子视为任其随意处置的所有物。这个极具威胁性的危险人物，就像背景里严酷的乌云和暴风雪，早早预告了故事必然的悲剧终局。

与同类型前作相比，《打开心世界》承袭自原著的日记体叙事是最为突出的特点。这一处理手法有着明显的风险，一方面，引自小说的大量旁白喧宾夺主地削弱了影像本身的情感表现力，另一方面，由阿比盖尔主导的封闭性叙事中数次插入的塔莉视角，也造成了影片叙述视角上的突兀断裂。

但尽管如此，日记体仍是《打开心世界》不得不采用的必要形式，托起了触及女性命运的深刻主题表达。如阿比盖尔所言，“墨水像火焰”， 在记录与书写中，女性的存在，她们的挣扎、情感和欲望才得以被看见，被留存。

影片中出现了多种记录的形式，其中非常有趣的一种，是标示着逃亡路径的地图册。电影开头与标题同现的纽约上州地图已经充分说明了地图册这一意象的重要性，而接下来的故事中，地图册充当起了划分各幕的标志物件，既是塔莉送上的贴心礼物，也指引着阿比盖尔踏上寻找爱人的险途，完成一次精神上的出走。

令人印象深刻的第二种记录形式，是“一家之主”们手上有失公允的账簿。阿比盖尔的母亲曾告诉女儿，虽然她每日不辞辛劳地料理家务，她却只有在买裙子的时候才会出现在丈夫的账簿上，所有对家庭的辛勤付出被简化成一笔笔开销。

集市上，想起母亲的阿比盖尔宣示性地买下一条宝蓝长裙，随后却在归家途中目睹邻人的小女儿葬身火海。早嫁或早陨的少女，劳苦或悲痛的母亲，几组母女的形象此刻在阿比盖尔面前重叠又轮回。墨水和烈火都是一种无情的洗涤，让惯于在苦难中沉默的女人们得以显形，哪怕是以一种痛苦代替另一种痛苦。

全片最重要的记录，自然是阿比盖尔的日记。塔莉曾说，“表达得少并不代表感受就少”，而阿比盖尔的日记恰好证明了这一点。“我的心是一片树叶，被急速流动的水裹挟着冲过岩石”，在日记里，阿比盖尔用真诚凝练的字句填满了表达与感受之间的中空地带，为画面中她略显克制的表情，添上一笔笔深情的注解。

然而，有些出乎意料的是，如此坦诚的阿比盖尔其实是位有所保留的叙述者。在片末吝啬的闪回里，当我们在翻飞的日期间匆匆瞥见破碎的情欲片段，才明白阿比盖尔在讲述中刻意隐瞒了多少珍贵的细节。作为观众，这种在关键时刻被挡在门外的感觉确实让人气恼，但影片在情欲戏处理上的滞后和限制，一定程度上确立了阿比盖尔对于自己故事的绝对阐释权与控制权。

借由多种形式与载体，《打开心世界》展现了文字与记录的多重意义。一本小小日记敞向无限乾坤，既能赋予记忆和情感以实体，也能开辟一方私密安全的心灵空间。而在电影最后，经历失去的阿比盖尔又在不断的讲述与书写中，习得了名为“想象”的新工具。小屋桌前，奋笔疾书的阿比盖尔双手沾满墨迹，在纸上这片自由的心世界里，她将永远拥有与爱人共度的他处生活。

（原文首发于《环球银幕》公众号）

电影看完第一次时，着实意难平。反复琢磨、认真细品两人的互动戏份，发现她们眼神互动时，就连周遭的空气都充满了难以言表的电流，相互牵引又相互躲避，隐忍克制中透露出索求与渴望。

不禁感概，这部电影太美了。

（以下涉及剧透，介意的请止步于此。）

且从两人第一次相见说起。Tallie 在马车上，Abigail 在远处的栏杆俯瞰时，Tallie 看着 Abigail 的眼神里闪着微光，马车前去，她还扭过头来一直看着远处的 Abigail。这时，似乎一见倾心的戏码已经上演，可偏偏两人离得这么远，并不敢妄下定论。（欢迎讨论）

Tallie 第一次来找 Abigail 时便疯狂试探，眼神充满挑逗意味，从吐槽丈夫到说出无子之痛，她一步步深入了解 Abigail 的婚姻状况。

此时的 Abigail 在日记中含蓄地表达着被 Tallie 头发和皮肤吸引，她无法对这份情感下定论，最后用“与人交心亲近我总会感到无所适从”来对这份不知所措找到合理化的归因。

然而事实却是 Abigail 被 Tallie 深深吸引而不自知，短短半天她对 Tallie 说了三次很高兴你能来，难掩心中的欢愉和狂喜。

两人在临别时都说着稍有意味的情话（如果这都不算爱，是我腐眼看人姬吗？很想知道这时在旁边的 Dyer 到底是什么心情～）

两人间对视的眼神充满了珍爱、不舍和期待，我们可以强烈感受到两人之间的性张力在看似平静的湖面下涌动，而且涌动得不轻，却不露声色。

Abigail 就连照顾发烧病了三天的丈夫时都在想着跟 Tallie 的相处和对话，虽然旁白从容地流淌着，但也难以掩盖 Abigail 对 Tallie 深深的思念，此时的她也许还未弄明白这种感情究竟是什么。

对比之下，她与丈夫的对话则显得格外冷漠，丝毫没有对丈夫的怜爱，仅留作为妻子的责任。若对比后面 Abigail 为 Tallie 冻僵的脚主动取暖按摩的情景，对丈夫的此时此景显得极为讽刺，但也印证了接下来关于“是否迷恋”的对话。

第二次到家中做客，Tallie 步步为营，一步一步撬开 Abigail 的心门，窥探Abigail 与丈夫的感情生活。

Tallie 用“Dyer是否迷恋着你？迷恋你的什么？”等问题试探 Abigail 与丈夫的感情虚实，其中还不忘借机赞赏了一番 Abigail 的文笔好，在此不得不感叹 Tallie 真的撩得一手好姬。

尽管 Abigail 以适合过日子、自己做事效率高，做事能力强的优点为 Dyer 选她做妻子找理由，但对于 Dyer 是否把心交给你的质疑，Abigail 选择直接把球踢给 Dyer，她没有去思考过这个问题，也许她压根就不在乎。

然而 Tallie 却一再逼问，不得到自己满意的答案她并不打算停下，她希望 Abigail 正视与丈夫的关系和情感。Abigail 估计没有想到 Tallie 会继续追问，她愕然地看着 Tallie，继而平淡无奇地道出 —— 我不确定他合不合适，但家人觉得他挺好的结论。

此刻的 Tallie 心领神会，因为她也是过来人。此时此刻的她们都懂，她们都不是因为“迷恋”上一个人而结婚的，没有那种心驰神往的悸动，也没有小鹿乱撞的冲动，她们的婚姻实则只是名存实亡的关系，是父权社会下一份不可推卸的责任。

两人手指轻轻碰撞完成第一次心意互通的肢体试探，屏幕中能暗暗感受到二人的心潮起伏。

再次在 Tallie 家相见，二人难掩喜悦和兴奋之情，几秒沉默的对视，含情脉脉，嘴边的笑容更是弯出了前所未有的弧度。（感觉下一秒就要亲上去了，忍住！Tallie 掩嘴克制，但笑容甜出屏幕了！）

两人短暂的私会后，走出大厅前，明显可以看到 Abigail 用力克制脸上的笑容，像极了偷吃心爱的糖果后不敢让大人知道的小孩。

饭桌上 Abigail 甚至无视 Finney 的说话直接扭头去称赞 Tallie 做的水果馅饼很好吃，这时候如果细心留意会发现两个丈夫的脸色并不好看。

从 Tallie 家回来后，Abigail 开始对 Tallie 跟她丈夫的感情产生疑问，同时开始对她们两人之间似是而非的感情也感到迷茫。

生日当天，Tallie 送上 Abigail 期待已久的地图册，丈夫给不到你的东西，我给你，再次感叹 Tallie 真的太会撩妹了，定情信物实锤。

看到Tallie 脚冻僵了，Abigail 二话不说主动地提出给她取暖。这时Abigail 第一次主动试探 Tallie 跟丈夫的关系，一开始却得到无棱两可的回答。

Tallie 看着 Abigail，Abigail 不经意把紧张的心思用到了 Tallie 的脚丫上，Tallie 会意一笑，说出不想忍受 Finney 的刻薄，也说出因为自己生不出孩子所以丈夫跟她在一起时并不快乐，就孩子展开哭诉，后来又借机试探得知 Abigail 跟丈夫的性生活并不和谐，因为 Abigail 还没出失去孩子的悲伤中走出来，而Abigail也清楚 Tallie 跟丈夫相处并不愉快。

遭遇大风雪后的日子，两人多天没见，就连 Abigail 的丈夫都看出了她的失落与担心，并吐槽她。

但纵使多日来思念再深，Abigail 还是静静等待 Tallie 的到来，并没有想过主动去找她。当见到 Tallie 出现，Abigail 一扫多天的沉闷，随之笑逐颜开起来，这是终于等到爱人到来的窃喜。再次见面两人明显在肢体上的接触增多了，且自然大方。

多日频繁见面的场景，小两口的眼神间充满性吸引力，幸福与甜蜜满溢屏幕，两人的感情也在这欢乐的氤氲中默默升华。

Tallie 总是不忘赞美 Abigail，可能看到喜欢的人被撩到露出羞涩的笑，便可以高兴一整天吧~

（这个场景中 Tallie 一直处于阳光下，而 Abigail 则一直背对阳光，在拍摄手法上，导演是否也想借此表达她们的性格对比呢？）

不难发现，每一次都是 Tallie 主动去找 Abigail，跟她一起做家务，两人的性格表现截然不同。（攻受分明？）从台词中也可以看出， Tallie 有着追求自由的向往之心，而 Abigail 却甘于现状，这个在后面两人野餐时的“笼中鸟”对话更是可以明确看出对比。

另外，片中出现两人沉默不语的场景，我在想导演也许就是想表达 —— 和喜欢的人在一起，就算不说话，默默在一旁陪伴也觉得很开心吧！当然，此时的两人处于暧昧微妙的关系中，都不敢戳破那层说不清道不明的薄纱。

然而，还是 Tallie作出主动出击，多天不见后，Tallie 再次来到 Abigail 家，坐在椅子上的她心潮起伏，紧张却又假装镇定的说出告白。

突如其来的告白让 Abigail 羞涩的扭过头，Tallie 窃喜，继而投其所好再抛出一句诗，真的浪漫透顶了。

此场景的性吸引力在 Tallie 起伏的胸脯中已经缓缓铺开，张力在她靠近 Abigail 的那刻释放。她不再畏缩，而是一再逼Abigail 直面她们之间的感情。

表明心意后，两人经过几次在亲吻边缘中来回疯狂试探之后，终于修成正果。（此处两人的互动太美，必须观看正片，回味无穷。）

"You smell like a biscuit." 估计是全片中最可爱的情话了，而且在我看来性意味十足（香香的饼干，想必该有多好吃呀～）。

在 Tallie 踉跄离开后，Abigail 流下了激动的泪水，相信此时的她内心必定惊喜若狂，悸动不已才有了全片中经典的三连叹！

在等待 Tallie 到来的时间里，Abigail 满心期待打开门，丈夫早已意识到妻子的笑容不属于他。每次看到 Dyer 吐槽，都觉得又可悲又可笑，但不得不说他真是个头放绿光的绝世好丈夫。

之后见面的两人丝毫不再按耐和克制自己对彼此的渴求。（这是什么虎狼之词？还大条道理！真有你的，Tallie。）

两人一起后，Tallie 还是觉得 Abigail 对自己若即若离，在追求自由的价值观上，她们并没有达成一致。

Abigail 愿为囚中鸟，她甚至认为在笼中也能积极享受快乐，Tallie 则表示从来都不喜欢被囚禁。没有什么是一个吻解决不了的，一个不行就两个，Tallie 始终是较为勇敢的那个，她的吻强烈地索求着，她希望得到同样的回应。两人以吻结束这一价值观的碰撞。

然而，Abigail 真的是太慢热了，与其说慢热，倒不如说是迟钝。这时候两人的爱在我看来并没有同步。

在此插入关于两人的造型含义讨论。在我看来，从两人的造型上也有对人物性格刻画的体现，Abigail 一直都是绑着头发，即使半散着头发，刘海还是会鬓起小辫子，似乎暗喻她一直处于传统束缚中生活，而 Tallie 则几乎一直以散发形象出现，面对 Abigail 时整个人轻松自在。另外一点，Tallie总是穿颜色明亮的衣服，Abigail 则以暗色居多，就仅在跟 Tallie 独自外出时才穿得比较亮，性格上的对比不言而喻。

到此，剧情开始进入转折。（不想心疼的你可以止步于此了）

从Abigail 的控诉中我们可以看出女子在当时的地位有多低，仅能作为父权社会的附属品而存在，在传统家教中成长的Abigail 学会了循规蹈矩，听话似乎是她活着的出路，但这时候的她对桎梏发出质疑，心境有所转变，试图挣脱牢笼。

另一方面，Tallie 的偏执控制狂丈夫对她经常长时间外出感到怀疑，他暗暗怀疑妻子出轨（只是万万没想到是出柜），说她是自私的妓女，用《旧约》规范妻子的言行，对 Tallie 进行禁足，从中也可以看出 Finney 有暴力倾向，试图家暴Tallie 。

Abigail 随后因为Tallie 多日没有造访而心生担忧，她没有勇气踏进她家，但已经鼓足勇气踏出家门，在远处用望远镜眺望屋中的 Tallie ，这是第一次她为了 Tallie 变得勇敢，然而怯懦再一次让 Abigail 后退。

直到再一次家庭聚餐时，餐桌中，Finney面不改色地在外人面前以“无子”为由对妻子Tallie提出控诉，说着“孩子是我们家庭中唯一的痛”时，眼神冷酷无情，没有一丝丝对妻子的怜悯，只有以受害者身份对妻子无情的责怪。

Abigail 终于有所意识到 Tallie 处于非常紧张的家庭关系中，甚至被家暴（掐脖子），她勇敢提出质疑，但 Tallie 却没有透露更多（轻轻唱一句：多得是你不知道的事~）。

到底为什么Tallie要隐瞒呢？此刻不该是最好的呼救时刻吗？

此处对 Tallie 的心理猜测提出疑问 —— 为什么她不愿意告诉 Abigail 真相？是因为她不想她们俩的关系被发现？还是她足够了解 Abigail，认为她没有勇气去改变这一切，甚至带着她离开？（欢迎讨论）

Tallie 久无音讯之后，Abigail 第一次，主动去找她，却发现人去房空，留下一片布满血迹的手帕，她非常担心 Tallie 的安危，她用鸦片酊麻醉自己，终日惶恐难以入睡。

几个月过去，好不容易等来了爱人的信，初吻后 Abigail 的三连叹有多惊魂未定，Tallie 喊的这三声 Abigail 就有多无能为力，当中夹杂着多少心酸、思念和无奈啊。

很想放开一切奔向你，可是却只能给你留下这封信，写着满满的对不起。

搬到不毛之地后的 Tallie 在信中说道：这段日子我过的日子比任何其他的女人都不如，呼应丈夫脱裤子这个场景，我们不难得知，Tallie 在这段时间里无疑成了丈夫泄愤的工具。他带着她搬到荒无人烟的地方，拒绝她与外界接触，依然对她进行无情的控制，就连她的信件都毫不留情的读出来，此时的 Tallie 已经失去了在这个家庭中的尊严和地位，她无法反抗。

她在信中说到她并不会因为威胁而选择到这个不毛之地，而是为保留所爱之人的幸福和声誉才做出这样的选择，她所爱之人，应该就是 Abigail 吧，那是不是就可以解开我前面的疑惑，她正是因为不想破坏 Abigail 现有的一切而选择不反抗跟随丈夫离开？

Tallie 的心声看得我揪心……

Tallie 是被丈夫毒死的，丈夫抱着她跳舞，她的手逐步无力垂下。

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.

You are my city of joy.（相信是有第三句的，但她已经说不出来了……）

原本紧绷的琴弦随着 Abigail 的一声 “NO！” 一触即断，留下痛切心扉而绝望的悲鸣在耳边回响，还有那颗摇摇欲坠、千疮百孔的破碎心灵。此刻我的心也跟着 Abigail 悬浮在空荡荡的空间里，随之碎落一地。这种失去，难以言表，我甚至连哭都哭不出来。

镜头闪回两人历历在目的美好时光，回忆有多甜，此刻就有多痛。

你的离去，

让我的世界黯然失色。

你的离去，

将带我坠落无底深谷。

你的离去，

徒留回忆和想象与我共度余生。

也许，正是这种意难平将身为观众的我们拉近一个悲伤的漩涡里，久久不能平复……